her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
