I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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