you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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