I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
