I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize