She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Couch. On fire.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
