Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
