You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
