remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
