question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
