So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
