So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
