Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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