Screwed.edu
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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