imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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