Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
