im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize