I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
