So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
