Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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