Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
