Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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