I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
