He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
