hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
