This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
