the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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