You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
