But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
