I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
