Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
