Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
