you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
