I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
