Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He did a backflip because drugs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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