Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
