But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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