none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
