whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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