I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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