so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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