he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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