Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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