So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize