Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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