All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My feet surprised me
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