..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
