He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
