That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
