people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
