now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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