i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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