If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
