a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
