i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
