So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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