so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
