Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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