I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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