so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
birth control should be required to get into college
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
