Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
