at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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