She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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