Buhtt sex?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
