Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
