Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
